Brother Grove

The first time our family met Brother Grove was at Christmas. We went caroling here and there around the ward with the choir, and his house was one of the ones on our list. We went around back, knocked on the basement apartment door, and greeted him with a song. He asked us to sing White Christmas, and then talked for a minute or two, mostly about his recently departed wife, Beverly. He seemed so sad. So Nate and I decided, heck, we have no family close by to visit, so we'd better come back and see this guy sometime. So that's what we did. 

We showed up at his door unannounced, with kids in tow one Sunday afternoon, introduced ourselves, and he invited us inside. The first few visits were pretty awkward. But we kept on going back, and he kept on welcoming us. We became good friends. He had the craziest stories about flying the F4U in World War II, meeting his wife on a bus when two jerks took her sandwich, growing up in Kansas, hippies, black panthers, teaching at Weber State, the list goes on. It was always fun to hear new stories, or repeats of old ones, during our visits. He'd always ask about what we'd been up to, and talk to the kids, who were always excited for the candy or cookies he usually sent them home with. They would spend most of our visits playing on his exercise equipment, running around outside, and bouncing on the trampoline. They liked his dog, Sweetie, and occasionally she liked them.

As our friendship continued, Gerald showed his genuine love and concern for our family all the time. We'd take him Sunday dinner often, or have him over to eat with us, and he'd always call at least once to tell me what a great cook I was and how much he appreciated the meal. He took us to lunch at the senior center and introduced us to his buddies there with as much enthusiasm as he would have his own kids and grandkids. He tried to make sure when we went there with him that they were having something good - his favorite was the chicken pillows.

One time Bryn busted her nose on the trampoline at his house, and he just felt so terrible about it. He called us at least three times that night to check on poor little Brynny, who was fine. Another time, Addison fell into his koi pond, which was full of beautiful fish and lily pads. I never saw Gerald laugh so hard in all the time I knew him.

He came to our kids's baptisms, and stood in the circle for their baby blessings. He was always so excited when we got close to having a baby. I can't remember if it was when I was expecting Leah or Asa, but he would call me during the day, every day toward the end of my pregnancy to check on me and see if I needed a ride to the hospital. He'd joke that if we really got down to the wire, he'd put his dog on the top of the car to bark the traffic out of our way as we zoomed to the hospital.

When I had surgery on my foot, he met Addison at the bus stop and got him across the busy street, so I wouldn't have to schlep all my kids all the way around the block to pick him up.

Once we went on vacation and asked Gerald if he'd take care of our two pet fish while we were out of town. He readily agreed, so we dropped the bowl off at his house and gave him basic instructions and were off. When we got back from our trip, we found that tragedy (and comedy) had struck. Gerald had fed the fish quite zealously in our absence, and one of them had gone the way of all the earth. He felt so bad that he had gone to the store and bought a replacement. Turns out the one he bought was some really agressive breed that ate our remaining fish! Bless his heart!

He knew all our kids's names and never forgot them. He had a soft spot for each one of them, and I think he had a favorite memory with each one too. He'd remind us of them frequently. Once when Addison was somewhere around six, he went to visit Brother Grove all by himself. I helped him fill his bike basket with his toy plane (an F4U!, from the movie Planes) and a joke book, snapped his helmet on, and sent him over. He showed Gerald his plane, shared several jokes, and came home with a brand new toothbrush that Gerald had given him from his earlier dentist appointment and a big smile on his face. He felt so cool and independent.

He loved Bryn. He always talked about how beautiful she was. One day he made the connection that she looked exactly like Natalie Wood, an old actress, had looked as a child. After that every time the kids would go say hi to him at church, he'd say, "there's Natalie Wood!" He even saved a magazine he bought one time to show us the resemblance.

He watched Leah grow up from the time she was born. He talked all the time about once when Nate had her out in the hall at church. Leah was still very little, and had been a stinker, no doubt, so Nate was pacing the hallway, trying to get her under control, and Gerald came around the corner and saw Leah peeking over Nate's shoulder. She gave him the biggest smile - her whole face filled up with it - even her nose crinkled.

Gerald always commented on how big Asa was getting, and how he was a doer and a handful, keeping us all busy. Asa loved to give Brother Grove hugs. As Asa got bigger and Gerald got older, we had to remind Asa not to knock him over with his hugs! They were full of gusto and love.

Emmie even got to meet Gerald several months ago. He was delighted with her, and she didn't seem to mind him, either.

Gerald really took an interest in Nate. He was an english professor, and so he and Nate had that in common. He'd talk to me whenever Nate wasn't around about what a good person he was and how much respect he had for Nate. He encouraged Nate through his masters and urged him to get a PhD. There was never any doubt in his mind that Nate was going to succeed at whatever he did.

He was always so kind to me, too. My favorite compliment he ever gave me was when he would talk about his wife, Beverly, and how much he wished we could meet each other. He'd say that he knew she would really like me. He loved her so much, and spoke so highly of her.

Recently, Gerald was put on hospice and moved down the road to an assisted living facility. We got a message from his family today that he only had 24-48 hours left. So we all piled in the car and drove up for one last visit. He was resting, small and frail, and his deep voice and handsome smile were gone. What a blessing and an honor to be able to be present during such a sacred time for him and his family. We shed some tears, gave his hand a squeeze, told him we loved him, hugged his family, and left. An hour or two later, he passed away.

When we first met Brother Grove, I felt like we were doing a favor - giving him something to do, or breaking up the monotony of watching westerns every day. Helping him to not feel lonely. But as I look back, years later, I realized that he was the one who ministered to us. He scooped us up and loved us like we were the most important thing. He called frequently. There were some lonely times for Nate in our old ward, and Gerald was his actual best friend during those times. He delighted in our children and never complained about their rambunctiousness. I was so homesick for my family, and he became a part of it and made me feel less alone. He had so much experence - he was in his mid-nineties, and yet he would ask our opinions on things as though we were so wise and knowledgeable. He was a constant for our little family, and man, we're going to miss him. I'm so grateful that he was ours for a little while, and even more grateful that he's back with his beloved wife. I wish I could've seen that reunion.